Something Substantial

Lately I have been writing some really goofy blogs, which have been immensely fun, but today I think I will actually write something of meaning, and although I am accused of over-spiritualizing everything, I come with simplicity in mind. :-)

Light. Exposure. Humility.
God has been teaching me allot in these areas recently. I feel as though I have "come a long way" in exposing things in my life, namely my testimony. But God has shown me that it's not only my past that needs to be exposed, but my current heart condition.

All too often I feel like I'm putting on a fake facade by speaking the "great wisdom" that God has revealed to me, when in reality I find it difficult to actually live the things that I so adamantly profess to believe. I find it difficult to slay my flesh and take up my cross daily. I want the easy way out in situations that test my faith, instead of preferring God to mold me into a woman of character and integrity. I struggle with the balance between man-pleasing and being overly religious. I am apt to act like an "awesome woman of God" when I know that people are watching or listening, but all too often falter when no one is. I am weak in discernment, easily swayed by the opinions of others, instead of searching and studying the Word of God for truth myself. I don't seek God with everything that is within me everyday. I am overtaken by my thoughts and dishonor God in my heart. This is the condition of my heart.

I know that God has placed the desire in my heart to be a pure woman of God. I want to honor and love God, whether people are looking or not. I want to be strong in faith and stand for His standard of righteousness. I want to genuinely love God with all that is within me. I want to love others like Jesus. I want to be real, authentic, and genuine. I want to be strong in discernment and actually weigh everything by the Word of God. I want to honor God in my heart, in my thoughts, in my actions, and everything I do. I don't want to take the easy road, I want to have a radical life lived for Jesus. This is the desire of my heart.

Unfortunately the condition of my heart and the desires of my heart do not yet match up. That, my friends, is the truth of the matter. The light shed that now makes me responsible for the changes that need to take place in my heart . . .